Charlie too!

I'm on the heels of The Compassionate Friends conference this past weekend, which conveniently was held in Boston.  It was a hectic weekend with kids, so I was glad to have it so close by, allowing me to navigate the multiple obligations.  I'd hoped to spend all my time at the conference ...just to be with so many people, hear so many stories of loss and then hope, pain and the finding of joy in the most obscure circumstances.  I'll probably write more about that later ...there's so much for all of us to learn!
Phoebe never really cared for convention, so while I learn so much about other people and their own journeys, their sense of their child(ren) with them, I didn't really expect Phoebe to reveal herself in such an expected place.  But looking back, I realize she was front and center from the get-go ...in such a Phoebe way ... that it sprinkled a bit of joy on two sad hearts and lifted them in a shared moment of joy and assurance.
I'd worked the fourth of July.  I'd expected to all along since my work pattern would fall on that day.  But when the schedule had come out, I wasn't on my usual routine.  Holiday pay is double time, so we like those days if they fit into our families lives!  Someone had asked me to cover for them and before I could respond, another nurse, Holly, had already filled the spot.  I love this nurse, Holly; I usually pass my patients on to her for the evening shift ..we share an easy way with each other.  We bantered back and forth about her 'stealing' my shift, my spot.  As it turned out, I worked a different floor ...which was great since I was able to work with the nurse who'd trained me and share with her the excitement of the upcoming return of her son from a military stint that's left her a bit depleted.
Towards the end of our shift, I was called and told Holly's dog had just died.  All of a sudden, her dog went outside ...and just died.  I knew she loved this pet very, very much.  And as life can be with teenagers, her dog never talked back, never caused worry ...except in the heavy thickness of summertime when his breathing would often be compromised.  He was a great consolation and 'friend' to her.  When I made my way down to her ....she was so, so sad.  She didn't want him to be alone, she was afraid he was with no one now.  I offered her what comfort I could, but knew she'd need to go through the pain alone.  You learn that when you lose a child ...that most times, pain must be traveled alone.  No matter who, no matter how many, no one, no thing can lessen the pain, the hard work of sadness.  And the fear of her dog, Charlie, being alone seared her.  It was heavy on my heart that night, saddened for her, but as I drove home I thought that Charlie might just be with someone who had always wanted a dog, had begged and begged for one.  I thought of the girl who would plead, the girl who left us, and after she did, we'd just wished so much we had gotten her a dog.  And I thought of her beautiful face with her bright, laughing smile, calling to him.  "Charlie, Charlie ...come here Charlie, over here!"  And I'd thought about him bounding towards her and her laughing and running, playing.  I'd wondered if this could all be true ...who knows!  We don't know what God allows, but we do know His promise is that it is far greater and far better than we can humanly imagine. So I went with that thought ...and took great joy in Phoebe and Charlie being together.
The weekend got busy fast, and it wasn't until today, while finishing all my notes, Holly walked in and I was able to tune in to her recent loss.  I asked her right away if she was okay ...and she came to me and said she didn't know how I'd done it.  "How did you get up the next morning?  I just lost my dog, I can't imagine a child."  I'd told her that my husband and I had marveled that the sun had come up over the horizon, perplexed that it could still rise after Phoebe had died.  Aloud, she'd wondered if I worried about Phoebe being alone and I told her of course I had.  Was she safe?  Warm? Hungry? Scared?  So many things we wondered, and even more we wonder now, but less now with fear, and more now with awe ...and real wonderment.
I'd remembered then the image I'd had of Phoebe calling to Charlie.  "Holly, Charlie's not alone ....I think he's with Phoebe now!"  She looked at me quizzically ..."I really think so!"  "Really, you do?"  And I told her of Phoebe's  great desire for a dog and how we now regretted never getting her one, so Charlie had probably gone to her.  "If he did, I'm sure he's already been to the top of Mt. Everest ....probably chased sea turtles off the Galapagos Islands.  She was very spirited, very adventurous ...no boring walks for this puppy, they're exploring.  If Charlie is with her ....he's having a blast.  I bet he hasn't stopped running yet."  We both laughed.  Both comforted at the thought they might be sharing some great adventure ...enjoying each other.  And it was my way to give Phoebe something she'd always wanted.  And I know Holly was glad to share Charlie with my girl! 
As I walked away she told me that I always seemed to know the right thing to say. I made her feel better she said.  But what Holly couldn't know is how the tears stung as I walked away so grateful to her for being so generous and willing to share her treasure, her Charlie, with my girl.  "Finally Mom!  He's a great dog, I'll take good care of him"  I hear her say. 
Bookends to the conference ....losing Charlie and then finding where he was.  Phoebe finally has her dog!

Freedom

True freedom only comes with a surrender, complete submission, to God.  We live in the 'land of the free', a culture that puts a premier price on being able to exercise our freedoms.  Those freedoms used to be tied to our Creator, but now they've morphed into whatever we want them to be.  But the Truth will always be our source of freedom.  God must always be the core of our lives ....and even when He is, we wrestle with taking hold ourselves and defining freedom from an individual perspective, based largely on what 'pleases' us, what makes us most comfortable and happy ....even if we couch it in terms of faith.
And so ....God, knowing our struggles and our hearts deepest, true desire to be fully in union with Him, offers us the opportunity to approach Him.  Some of us need that theme over and over again in our lives, new challenges that humble us, break us.  I know I'm a challenging student, so He offers me lots of things to draw me out of myself and into Him. I'm glad he hasn't given up on me.  He never gives up on any of us!
After last weeks surgery, my sister did not get good news.  It is not what she wanted or expected to hear.  I beg prayers once again for her.  God is offering her true freedom, and it is a grueling path.   May the angels and saints guide her, and all her loved ones, gone before her, walk with her.
Blessed Freedom to you today!