Rambles

There are far more drafts in my folder than published posts.  I write about lots of things, but I hesitate knowing they are incomplete.  Some of those topics are just too close to leave stones unturned.  I write a lot about my kids ...each of them and their own heroism, character ...survival in this sad loss.  But those words stay tucked away.  Though I'd like to share them, I'm asked not to ...and so I don't.  I don't get to sing their praises here.  Just know they are sung often ...for each of them.
Another topic I've written about over and over is teenage suicide ...and that is the toughest because it will never be a good enough piece, thorough enough, helpful enough ...complete.  It will never STOP it from happening ...and I wish it would.
I won't write much here, I've exhausted many of my thoughts for now with reams of words. But I will share a few things that might prompt some thought, some awareness ...and maybe, just maybe help someone.
What gets covered most times are suicides that have a reason.  It's easy to write about a 'cause' and an 'effect'.  If you listen to the most basic news story, you'll hear a specific beginning, middle and end.  It might read something like this.  There was a robbery at local convenience store last night. (beginning).  It happened around 11:20 after the last train for the night dropped off passengers at 11:05PM (middle).  Police have added extra manpower to find and arrest the robber. (end).  We read or hear this and we say oh no, that's scary (beginning).  That makes sense they waited until most people were gone after the train left ...no witnesses. (middle)  Oh, thank goodness the police are on top of this so we are safe. (end).  And then we go to bed, certain everything has returned to normal.
Now take that same premise on stories we hear about teenage suicide.  Bobby died last week by suicide (beginning).  His parents say he was depressed and he was recently cut from the baseball team after tryouts (middle). He was getting help, but sadly he had missed his last appointment (end.)
Cause. Effect. Beginning. Middle. End.
Bobby died by suicide because he was depressed.  Had he not been cut from the team, and had he kept his appointment, he wouldn't have died.  Simple story.  Simple answers.  Notice your child is depressed, don't let your child try out for a team if there's a chance he won't make it, and make sure no appointments get cancelled.  And everything will be fine.
I am simplifying this for sure.  And I am not dismissing that there are many scenarios just like this.  Every suicide is tragic ...whether there are 'signs' or not.
My point is, the vast majority of teen suicides come from nowhere.  They are as predictable as a flat tire.  Which means ...if we could all observe for signs of a flat tire ...no one would ever have one.
Media coverage, school meetings, peer presentations all speak to one thing ...knowable signs that will make suicide preventable.  We all want to believe we have control and that we can prevent our children from dying.
But the raw truth ...the hard truth is this.  Children die by suicide in a five to twenty minute window of despair, fear, sadness, anger ...maybe one of those or all of those at once.  They die by suicide with some indications of teenage angst (which is normal in most), or none.  Or some signs one morning, day or week ...and not the next morning, day or week.  And no one wants to talk about that.  And no one wants to talk about the culture they are trying to grow up in and the unrealistic demands and constraints put on the them to perform at optimum levels in multiple areas. 
I want to start talking about that.  I'm tired of listening to or reading the 'experts' discuss warning signs and things parents can do.  Talk, talk, talk to your kids.  Yes, of course.  Do we really think as adults our teenage children, no matter how close, share their deepest, most vulnerable thoughts?  And do we really believe that even if they would, they'd actually have the words to describe their own inner turmoil and struggle?  Why do we believe there is a simple answer in this incredibly complicated, chaotic world?
People ask me ..."did you hear about this one or that one?"  And these are the suicides that have a beginning, a middle and an end.  Tragic for sure.  I do hear about them ...and I want to, because I want to pray for the children, ask Phoebe to greet them.  And I want to pray for the parents and families and maybe carry some of their burden for them.  But ...I also tune into the unknown, the one's few talk about, or try to by putting information together in an attempt to create an understandable story.  These suicides go hidden, fading from view ...because they don't make any sense.  Just like Phoebe!
And that is where the conversation needs to begin.  Why is this happening?  Why is teenage suicide, talk and glorification of suicide in writing, music, programs, happening more and more?  Why are more teenagers and young adults dying from drug overdoses, car  and other odd accidents?  What is going on in this Godless culture that loves success and things and uses people?  How far we've come from preserving and protecting the sanctity of human life where over 4000 babies are killed every day by abortion, and our own youth risk and end their own lives in staggering numbers like never before.  I'm wondering if anyone has stopped to consider that our teenagers know,deep in their hearts, that nearly 1.5 million of their own peers who would have born the same year as them,  never had the chance to live.  Did you, as an adult, ever wonder why you were spared something your neighbor or friend was not?  Our kids wonder, at a very basic level, how in God's name, so many of their peers never got to see the light of day ...and they did.  That is an enormous burden for this generation of kids to carry.  Its. Too. Much. For. Them.  Dismiss it if you want!  All I ask is that you think about this reality they are forced to carry.
I'm wondering if anyone else out there is seeing the same thing as me?  And I'm wondering if we'll ever have the courage to look ourselves in the eye and see the world we've so boldly and flagrantly taken from God, only to disorder it away from Him.  And I'm wondering if we'll ever have the courage to look God, our beginning and end, in the eye and beg his forgiveness for the legacy we've left our children.
Teenage suicide will not end until God is restored as the center of our world, His world he gifted to us.  Period.
Have a blessed night.